RainSoakedPages's Xanga

My girls

Thu, 22 May 2008 20:24:01 GMT

I was lucky, extremely lucky. I had the best friends in highschool, and they lasted a long time after that too.

e m i l y, m e l a n i e , and l i s a are names that belong together. These three have been my girls for the past 6 or 7 years. Countless sleepovers, hours on the telephone and sharing every major milestone since we were fifteen has made us the people we are now.

I couldn't have done those years without them. And really, I'm not sure I can I do these. We won't ever be the same, I know that. I probably won't ever sleep in Emily's bed that has too many pillows. Melanie and I will never get groceries at Meijer again. And I will never take the beautiful drive out to Lisa's just to sit on the tall seats in the kitchen and eat something amazing that Lisa has made.

So I tell myself that I need to grow up, make new friends, create a life for myself out here. So I do meet new people, and we talk and laugh and we have a good time...but all of my stories have my girls in them...and this makes me think that I will probably never believe that it's over.

a life...

Thu, 22 May 2008 13:48:33 GMT

The last time I went to the Library I didn't walk down all the fiction isles like I used to. I was looked for the book Postsecret by Frank Warren. I found it and oddly enough it was right next to the few books that the Colorado Springs East Library has on Bipolar disorder. Because my life has been greatly changed by this so called illness I checked a couple books out from that section. One was Detour, the book I mentioned in my last post and the second book is Swing Low: a life, by Miriam Toews.

Swing Low is written by the daughter of a man who lived his life with Bipolar disorder and it eventually killed him. He wrote a lot, mostly about nothing, silly facts and mindless ramblings, but he filled page after page. Everything is carefully dated. I read this and I want to cry. Chapter 1 ends on page 6, and this is as far as I have gotten. The similarities are astounding. I sit back and think about my Father...about the things he liked, what drove him, what made him tick. I wonder which of those things were only part of my life because my Dad had this invisible disease. I guess at this point it doesn't matter.

Today I might try to read chapter two. Maybe I'll learn something, maybe I'll be able to let go, maybe I'll understand, or maybe I'll just cry, and that would ok too.

Detour

Mon, 12 May 2008 20:57:20 GMT

I'm reading a memoir by a girl who's bi-polar. If I can't forgive him, I guess I mind as well try to understand him...it's better than nothing.

Anyways, in the book, Lizzie is a few days from graduating college and is a little bumbed and really scared. Pretty common feeling for graduates, I think. But then her friend says this:

"Lizzie, I don't know what you're are so upset about; it's going to be like summer vacation but for the rest of our lives!"

I would just like to point ouit, for anyone who is wondering, that this is furthest from the truth.

Bah-Humbug, Mothers Day Style

Fri, 02 May 2008 21:07:01 GMT

It hit me at Christmas when I saw the first card in the mail box,and it's hitting me again. Moms do holidays. Moms spend hours writing Christmas cards. When it's anyone else's birthday but hers, she can be counted on to buy the gift and pick out (or in the case of my mom, hand make) the card, all I had to do was sign it, if that. Well, I've come realize that even in the absence of children to officially give me the title, I am the Mom in the S Narwold household. Which means even when it's HIS family members that are having the birthday, somehow there is this unwritten rule that since I said "I do" to loving, honoring and cherishing Stephen as long as I live I also said "I will" to handling every Christmas, Anniversary, Mother's Day and each and every birthday on both sides of family until I finally croak from the sheer pressure of it all. It hit me while sitting on the coach with Stephen last night that now I have TWO moms. "You get to handle your mom." I say to my husband, who gives me a look that says, "Yeah right." "What did you do before we got married?" "I was very bad son." Sigh. Don't get me wrong, my mom is my hero and my mother-in-law is pretty much the best a girl could ask for, but buying gifts generally brings me more chest pains than pure joy. Now I thank God for people like my brother Joel, who has more fun giving a gift than getting one, and Melanie who has a knack for giving gifts that make people cry and for Emily who always seems to know when a girl needs a special "Emily" (the kind where she's covered every blank space with inside jokes and stick figure pictures) card to arrive in the mail box. These kinds of people make the world a happier place and someday my brother will take a lot of pressure off of his wife, and Emily and Melanie will fill the role of Holiday Mom just fine...but what about people like me? Is there some sort of support group? "WWSABHM" (Women Who Suck At Being Holiday Mom) If so, sign me up.

Note: I appoligize that all of my recent posts seem to be rants....I'm trying to start writing again, and am happy if any kind of something to write forms in my mind...

Happy May!

Thu, 01 May 2008 14:56:23 GMT

When I was in high school, every spring break the Jenison Bible Youth would pile into a few buses and head south for a week long missions trip. I remember on more than one occasion returning to a white, snowy West Michigan, and then we'd all joke about how it never fails to snow over Spring Break, just to remind us that we may think it's spring, but really, we have no control over when winter ends. Well, that was all well and good, snow in the first week of April, no big deal. But this, this is ridiculous. Yesterday I wore a skirt and flip flops to work and spent my lunch break lying on my mexican blanket on the grass outside the office reading my book. Now, as I sit here on May 1st and look out my window, that same grass is now covered in snow. As far as I can tell summer never really comes to stay in Colorado. I mean in March we had some really warm days, like 70's and I was all excited that maybe spring comes earlier in Colorado. Nope, it just tempts you and then snows the next day. So maybe Michigan has long, hard winters, but at least for the most part when spring springs it stays sprung.

Seasons...or lack thereof

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:32:06 GMT

It's quiet at work today, even quiter than normal. So a few minutes ago I was scrolling through facebook, peering in to the lives of other people just to see what's going on. I noticed a theme reflected on my "facebook friends" pages...a theme of seasons. We're nearing May and that means that all over people are anticipating the end of school. Children can't wait to have endless hours of play time, highschool seniors are anticipating their imancipation from the school system and college seniors are excidetly and fearfully looking towards gradution and the start of "real life." It occured to me that for a very long time my life has been devided into two seasons, school and camp. I rather liked it that way. I guess it's hitting me now that neither of these seasons will take place this year or for at least a few years after this one. I suddenly feel very much like an adult, where everyday I go to work no matter what the calendar says or how warm it is outside. "Real life" kinda hits ya in the stomach sometimes.

Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.
- John le Carre

Old Person

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 15:30:29 GMT

I remember when I was growing up asking my mom why she never slept in on a Saturday. She told me couldn't, her body just woke her up at the usual time. I thought this was rediculous.

Well, apparently I'm old. I woke up at 7:30 on the dot this morning and was wide awake. Now on a weekday this time of waking up would have made me very late to work, but today, a Saturday, it was just rediculous. Yup, I'm old.

...And then she came!

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:35:49 GMT

My new little neice is very punctual. Although she was 10 days early, she heard the doctor say it could be as early as friday, and in an effort to not be late, she was born friday morning at 1:30. Oh, and Josephine Jewel is her name and she's the cutest baby in the world and will remain such until I have a baby!

Uncle Stephen and Aunt Rachel

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 15:59:18 GMT

So Philip and Jamie (Brother in law and Sister in law) were set to become parents on March 24th, but Philip called Verna last night while we were there to tell us that the Dr. says Baby Girl Narwold could be here as soon as a week from today! Yay!!! I'm pretty excited, although I'm not really sure if I'm old enough to be anyones Aunt.

Waiting Still

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 23:52:50 GMT

I’m feeling impatient. I was just browsing (in other words snooping) around some old friends blogs. Now the reason this is making me feel impatient is because all of these friends are from bible school. All of their blogs reflect their ministy with NTBI and the exciting things that come along with a life speant in overseas missions. I am really eager to get back to the NTM training, I miss so much about it… I miss the atmosphere, the passion, the urgency.

I know that Stephen and I are here in CO for a reason (save up money for Bible school), but sometimes (like now) I feel like I’m just killing time. So many of the people that I went to school with are doing things, mission things. They’re going, I’m staying. I know that Paul learned to “be content in every situation” and that’s what I should do too, be content that is. But I’m not. I guess I haven’t learned Paul’s lesson. However, even he had to learn it, so I guess there’s hope for me. Maybe that’s why I’m here, huh. Waiting. I know there are things, many things, that I have left to learn before I’m ready to go. And I’m sure there are things that I don’t see that God is teaching me on. So please pray for me, and for Stephen, as we w a i t . . .